Beautiful Clarity

Reflecting upon an experience as significant as the Games is not easy. There are too many raw emotions at times, but to not respect those thoughts and emotions would be a disservice to the experience as well. I would say there are multiple times when you need to think about the experience. Reflect on everything and specific aspects. Be critical and kind. Realistic, hopeful, and vulnerable. The reflection piece is a skill or experience I’ve had to learn, and from my career, where these were my fifth Games, I could take the lessons learned from the previous four and apply them to Milano Cortina. And honestly, I needed those experiences to help.

Expectations are among the most powerful influences on any athlete's experience at the Games. While goals and expectations are often linked, there is a distinction between them. As written, for a few years, my goal for the Milano Cortina Games was:

I am curious if I can put myself in a position to win multiple medals, including multiple Golds, at the Paralympics in 2026! I will do that by being at my peak on March 7, 2026: physically and mentally, ready to perform, trusting in my preparation, and going out to race and enjoy.

PC: CPC | Michael P. Hall

So, yes, I achieved the first part of that goal and earned myself multiple medals. Doing so for my fourth consecutive Paralympic Winter Games. Though I believed I was fully capable of achieving the second part, I didn’t. If I were to sum up Milano Cortina 2026 for myself, I would say I had brilliant performances, but I wanted more from my results. Especially the results of my Biathlon races. I think it is very important to distinguish between results and performances. I don’t control the results; I can only control my performance. I was at my peak when the Games started, and I maintained that throughout. I showed consistency in all aspects of performance, even in the one aspect I wish I hadn’t. A miss in every race, and always in the first bout. Fractions of millimetres were the difference between what I achieved and overwhelming success in three of my races. I could add that shooting clean was one part; the other was doing so a few seconds faster would have helped a little, too. My strength for so long has been my consistency, but at the Paralympics, others were willing and capable of surpassing it. I was right in my prediction, but unfortunately, I did not meet my expectations. I said that my competitors had all seen the standard I set over the last four years and would close the gap, so I needed to discover the next level or standard. That was the part I couldn’t do.

After I finished the Sprint Pursuit, I felt intense emotion and struggled with the weight of my personal expectations for these Games. I’m sure many of you saw the media clips of that battle after the race. That was a glimpse that very few ever see, but it speaks to the raw power not only of the Games but also of sport. I usually don’t share notes from my training log, but I wanted to share what I wrote that day.

That was an emotionally tough end to the race. I wanted a lot from today and I believe completely that my preparation was everything I needed it to be. But it is fairly frustrating that I'm doing so much right but I'm missing (wasting) opportunities by fractions of millimetres. Four misses throughout the Games, each costing a lot. To finish a close fourth, is still fantastic, I had a great performance in the Final, going clean would have helped but the skiing was competitive I thought. But w/ it being the final Biathlon race, there is a conclusion and now all the questions are fair game - Did I not learn from Beijing and got greedy by doing too many races? Not prioritizing enough? Did I work on my technique enough? Did I do enough speed work? Could I or should I have done more shooting? Faster shooting? Has four years of grinding away … weighed too much? Did I not stay focused enough on the details, my details to success? Did I let my focus slip? Have I used the last 4 years to get better, or have I stayed the same?

This is all raw emotion and needs to be taken with a grain of kindness. It should be hard to answer those questions in the heat of the moment. I think it is fair to ask, but don’t live by any answer you can think of in that instant. I needed to step away from the emotional state and take time to reflect and ponder. Analyze the facts and data. Perhaps I will never have the real answer, but asking might help me figure out where I want to go from here.

PC: CPC | Michael P. Hall

Measured against my expectations, there was a point at which I felt I had failed at these Games. From that thought came a few moments of beautiful clarity. Those moments came from reflecting on my past achievements. I felt I had failed because, since 2016, I had not been off a major event podium in Biathlon, which includes five World Championships and two Paralympic Winter Games. Since January 2022, I had been off an international Biathlon podium only three times, and all three were in the last two months. Going further, I had earned four Paralympic medals in Beijing 2022, after the six medals from six races in PyeongChang 2018. I was concluding my 20^th international season, and for the majority of that time, I have been at the top end of the results. I had achieved so much so far. It was very special to remind myself of all that in a time when I was hurting.

Success PC: CPC | Michael P. Hall

In the first few years I competed, I remember looking at certain athletes in awe. They were dominant. If they didn’t win, it was a shock, and people asked what happened. The young and impressionable Mark hoped and wanted to become one of those athletes one day. But I wasn’t sure I could do it, I don’t think I believed I could. But I did the hard work, evolved as an athlete and eventually found myself at the top more often than not. The strange part was that I never thought of myself as the dominant athlete until I reflected on what I had accomplished in the time after the Sprint Pursuit. That realization made it hard to contain the emotions. And as fate would have it, this realization was confirmed moments later when one of the day’s medalists, a long-time competitor and great friend of mine, came up to me and told me the reason he gets up and fights in his training was to catch me. Before the day was over, another two rivals and great friends would echo those sentiments. As I shared earlier, some impressive streaks came to an end over the past two months. And there is a sense of relief, in a way, that they have ended, because now I feel free to talk about them. They have changed my perspective in a huge way. I smile at the fact that some things had to end for me to see how remarkable they were! It is a pleasure to reflect on 2018 and, in 2026, still add to the specialness of that week. Then to 2022, and to each year since. There are so many special moments that grew in significance through my reflections after my individual races in Milano Cortina. That might be one of my most treasured experiences from Italy.

The final part of the series will conclude next time…